Milestones in our lives

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People are trying to set milestones to achieve some major things in their lives: finding love, getting married, buying a home, building a career, having kids by a certain age etc.

As far as I am concerned, I left my banking career in Hungary and moved to the UK when I was 28 without any job offers and was aware that I will need to start everything from scratch sacrificing basic needs and losing years in the process of reaching my goals that would have easily been available in my home country. Slowly worked my way up but have encountered a lot of challenges that unfortunately hindered my growth and I have lost time. Now I am 36, transitioned into IT and just about to buy a property on my own.
Not everyone would have been able to do all of these after me and achieve the same results had they come from the same family background and experienced the same setbacks as me. Others would say I am old now in reaching this. It is all about perspective. I agree, I am yet to achieve more but I believe we should not have a deadline for our dreams and we need to learn to enjoy the process of getting there. I have found that we need challenges to help us grow – yes these will slow our progress down, losing us years but most of them are protecting us and diverting to a more suitable path. This will only be clear to us after some time from a healthy distance. As Steve Jobs said, we can only connect the dots looking backwards…

Changing my vocabulary

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Getting of out our comfort zone; creating opportunities for ourselves; taking massive action; making things happen; putting ourselves out there; these are the magical stuff that would expand our horizons for the better. Yet for introverts, these things seem like a big challenge that are very difficult to achieve – I have been spending my last couple of years in a shell and often wondering why opportunity is not knocking on my door. Perhaps is because I am afraid to take the abovementioned steps that would open my life up to better experiences in every area of my life. So the goal for the future is to not sit back and wait but to push through the fear with changing my vocabulary and saying ‘I can do all of these’: Getting of out my comfort zone; creating opportunities for myself; taking massive action; making things happen; putting myself out there…

Holding onto things is counterproductive

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The simple act of sweating blood for your dreams

The way of fighting for your higher needs

Is fruitless.

Holding onto things with an anxious mindset

Will result in a failed outcome and the regret

Is relentless.

Evaluating the dream as a life or death question

Is a mistake, not a wise suggestion

Of the finesse.

Taking your strict eyes off the wanted goal

But still working hard for the whole

– nevertheless.

A relaxed mind gets rid of this negative poison

And your goals suddenly appear on the horizon

It’s a bless.

Determination

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Do something really exceptional and worthwhile today not because you crave the compliment and validation from others. Do it because of your own core values so that you feel accomplished and relieved at the end of the day – the pride that you feel during the process is immeasurable and will repel you to achieve even more moving forward. Let your inner drive to take over to accomplish something meaningful every day and watch how the outside world will follow suit – the biggest validation of all…

Challenges

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We need challenges to help us grow – but most of them are meant to protect us from something that is not meant for us. It can feel daunting in the exact moment as our dreams can be at stake but these roadblocks are actually diverting us to a much better and more suitable path – however we will not be able to recognise this at that moment as our mind is clouded by our biased perspective. But in time, from a healthy distance, everything becomes clear. As Steve Jobs said, we can only connect the dots looking backwards.

Mindfulness

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Drifting with the flow is light as feather

Emptying the mind to come into the present

Is priceless.

The dreams have a vibrant and vividly pink shade

That let you continuously wonder and create

In the wildness.

The conscious effort is captured by the moment

Creating a selfless action of fulfilment

In the brightness.

Even in the common moment of harsh reality

Your thoughts can let go and become idly

In the darkness.

Reinvent yourself – Covid recommendations

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How many times did you hear the word “unprecedented” in the last couple of months?

As our life is heavily affected by Covid 19, it is really important to reinvent ourselves in the face of adversity. Take steps to innovate and initiatiate new ways to sort out upcoming issues and try to look at new struggles from a different perspective. Take time to invest in yourself from a professional development point of view so that you can thrive in the new era of normality. Adaptability and resilience will be the most important personality traits moving forward.

Self-reflection

Doing a self-reflection analysis has never been my cup of tea. I have never been so mindful about myself and did not treat this type of evaluation a major milestone of my life. But if you are a regular follower of my blog, you may know that 2015 was a very challenging but indeed meaningful year of my life and it is a must for me to reflect on this year’s happenings with the aim to identify the most remarkable aspects of my personal development.

Self reflection can be seen as a ritual where you are determined to be extremely honest about your main achivements, to understand and get over your losses and clear your head in order to treat the upcoming year as a fresh start with endless possibilities.

It is important to make sure that you don’t start making any resolutions for the next year before doing your reflection on the last as the gained insights of your last year can provide an invaluable raw material for your future goals and personal development. Having said that, it is easier to make a resolution to do something great that you discovered and benefited from in the last year and, in parallel, identify the things that did not work for you and you want to avoid them like the plague.

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I would like to point out that it is imperative to think through the most challenging times not just the best ones. Life is definitely not black and white and you most likely experienced difficult times: maybe you were diagnosed with an illness, lost something meaningful or somebody wronged you. But I do believe that every bad situation can function as a catalyst for further progression and our biggest lesson is to find the silver lining in these happenings.

Self reflection can be a valuable tool to discover the major milestones of your personal growth and to figure out the main obstacles that you encountered in your path. This ritual is best achieved if you have the right answers to ask.

Here are my questions:

1) What was the single best/most challenging thing that happened to you this year?

2) What blessings have you found in your challenging times?

3) In what ways have you stepped outside of your comfort zone and grown?

4) What was the biggest thing you learnt this year?

5) How well did you take care of your body and your soul?

6) Where were you feeling stuck?

7) Who do you need to forgive?

Do you have any meaningful questions to ask? Please share it with me in the comments.

Book review: Writing Away from Lavinia Spalding

“When travel is viewed through a lens of personal development, it becomes more than a getaway and more of a gateway; we travel not just to change location, but also our perspective. Yet it’s only when combined with active observation and self-examination that a voyage truly change us.”

I have been procrastinating this blog post for quite some time as this book made a wonderful impact on my writing but if you are a regular follower of my blog, you may have noticed that I am referring to this special writing in some of my previous posts. The purpose of procrastination was to allow time to ripen the gained insights.

Writing Away should be every travellers’ bible: both on their shelves and in their backpacks. This profound piece of art is not just about how to chronicle our travel experiences but also about the way we behave, feel and perceive the things that are happening to us outside of our comfort zones as unfamiliarity is something that can truly change us and the way we look at the world. Its aim is to show how to observe the new environment – and our role in it – and preserve the meaningful aspects with a more conscious approach. Having said that, this book has psychological and anthropological meanings: we can learn how to slow our cognitive process down in the moment and learn to preserve the newly gained insights in a way which would not only help to re-experience the written world again but also to provide a profound story for our future generation.

The author recommends having a blank journal in order to not feel limited between the lines: it helps you to spice your story up with pictures, drawings in order to truly preserve a memory. Creating your own creative world without being restricted is the core thing in travel journaling as “an absence of lines leaves room for imagination to take over.”

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The end of Chapter 3 focuses on writers’ block and provide some ideas on how to move on from this limiting period. As far as I am concerned, I don’t believe in writers’ block. Chances are that infertile days, weeks or months occur without chronicling anything meaningful, however, it does not mean that there aren’t any ongoing war in the wild woods of a writer’s soul. So my core theory that a writer’s mind is never empty, it is always observing and analysing something, it is unstoppable. And the silent periods are indeed and inseparable part of any creative process where the purpose of time is to ripen any meaningful realizations into something innovative.

I am not a highly experienced traveller, like Lavinia Spalding, but since I live in London, I have first-hand experience about the forming effect of leaving our familiar environment. Wherever we travel, wherever we relocate, one thing remains the same: our inner barriers, the never learnt lessons, the insurmountable obstacles that we are carrying with ourselves to everywhere. Chances are that a new environment won’t reveal these things for a short period of time because of a new experience, but as the new becomes a well-known routine, we will soon face the problems that we have not solved in the past.

Writing Away functions as a profound life-discovering journey and it is highly recommended for every traveller for an exciting journey throughout the world and into ourselves.

Offline introvert – online extrovert?

I have just recently came across to a blog where I have found the description of my entry title. It made me wondered a little bit regarding the forming effects of the digital world.

This description introduces the forming effects of improving technologies in the online context which has an influential outcome on the self and emerges some kind of identity crisis. Being an extrovert online and showing the distinctive introverted personality traits in the real world implies the existence of an undescribed boundary. The maintenance of this boundary is completely up to the individual; choosing to rely on their real identities or staying in an anonymous state as well as practicing a different form of behaviour with regards to self-presentation.

It is easy to admit that the Internet is an enormous place for self-expression and its digital platforms provide different types of interactions. In terms of online context, Introverts are free to decide their own term of engagement outside their primary social environment which basically requires some form of structured interaction. This can possibly be a pressure for people who are literally “in their head’s” most of the time. That is the reason why the term “anonymity” provides a suitable form of online existence for Introverts who would like to exploit their maximum potential without risking the possibly awkward recognition of their primary social circle.

Digital-World

It is worthwhile to consider the role of creativity regarding the anonym online context. Having known that anonymity enables people to operate in a virtual world without no exact rules and boundaries, it is safe to admit that this kind of blossoming environment is the basic root of creativity. Staying unknown can function as a motivational factor with its unrestricted form of possibilities which is beneficial for the ones whose primary goal is to save face.

Under these circumstances, I have started my own English blog 3 years ago as an anonym Introvert. As time has passed, I have received enough positive feedbacks and some enquiries regarding my non existent “About me” section so it clearly showed that I haven’t been judged. It literally boosted my confidence to be proud of my own emotional brand so I no longer continued my blog without a name. I have never liked writing about personal happenings in my own virtual space, however, I have let others know what is really going on in the wild woods of my soul.

Of course in the beginning, I just wanted to escape from the real world and build a digital space for myself like a defending shelter but my goal has continuously changed with regards to the blogosphere. I have just realized recently that the digital frontier between my real and online self is not too strict to be able to split my personality as I treated my online participation as a creative self-extension and not a separate form of existence in another world. And that is why I have come to the following conclusion:

As beautiful as anonymity may seem in the online context regarding the enormous amount of possibilities of creative self-expression, it can never function as a suitable substitute of true self-extension. Chronicling your most remarkable theories in the digital world can only be true if you have the courage to create a distinctive framework for your writing with revealing your invaluable personality as it adds more value to your online brand.

Having known that my long-term goal is to conduct some kind of social experiments regarding my special writing called Outside the Bud, I am keen to discover several kinds of methods to enhance my theories further. I am particularly interested in the behavioural patterns of Introverts in the digital world as well so it is not a surprise if I admit that I would like to invest more time and energy in this issue.